Healing Steps at Nature's Ocean & on Her Frozen Lake ;-)

There are varying emotions connected with "Good Bye" and varying lenghts of it's grieving ... over the past 4 days, Sutter & I have taken our "best friend" to all our favorite shared places to say "Good Bye" and have brought her ashes home again, to "her home" for permanent rest!

We walked and played on the beach at Old Orchard Maine, went to LL Bean in Freeport Maine and walked on the ice at the Wolfboro NH home of dear friends Sally & Ed on Lake Wentworth, where we have kayaked and made many treasured memories over the years ... I hope that my deepest pain has washed out to sea, because we're about to start a New Chapter, as Sutter shares some of her "fun" moments over these past 4 days of healing:

So my need now is to "move on", with Lyric's memory etched ever so permanently in my heart and feeling her pushing us on to life's next exciting adventure ... she never was one for standing still too long ... so we're ready sweet girl, Sutter is 'a watchin' ... lead us on  ;-)

Feelings & Emotions! (Next Blog Promises to be Uplifting!)

What to title this entry and what to write ... in the past, the present or looking to the future ... short? long? not at all? Well lets see what the memories bring and fingers type ... please view the wonderful slideshow at the end, created by my dear friend and Lyric's breeder Kara Ferri  ... thanks Kara  ;-)

Today is day #4 of emptiness that feels like it goes to the bottoms of my feet and the tears keep coming ... most times dried by a "family hug" with my forever independent "wild child" Sutter who never has been the lapper or snuggler that Lyric was ... but these past 48 hours she does come put her head on my lap, offer a "tiny" lick to my hand, engages in a brief game of ball outside and sleeps ever so close against my back at night ... good girl Sutter!

This photo is of Lyric's first conformation breed show (7-17-07) in Essex Junctions with very dear Golden friends and it is my computer's screen saver ... and it raises the following questioning emotions as I grieve:

On my way home from Vermont on my "black" Thursday of Lyric's death, I was driving in a total windswept snowy whiteout, numbed by my loss, non-stop tears and having a meriad of thoughts:

• This Blog ... in my pain, I want to erase it ASAP (wonder if Kara can do that for me)!
• My digital camera memory card has near to 1000 photos of our "doings" and all including sweet Lyric ... in my pain, I want to take it out and get a new blank one!
• My computer screen saver is a photo of a special treasured day Sutter & I spent with Lyric ... in my pain, I want to change it!
• My computer contains picture folders too numerous to count, of 3 years of adventures and precious moments we three spent together (to say the least I love taking photos) ... in my pain, I want to deleat them!
• My "Ecuadorian" (Peace Corps days) briefcase just filled with paper copies of my "menopausal adventure" and "puppy dreams" breeding to specially selected Tennessee "Mr DJ" ... in my pain, all those papers/photos have been moved to the loft storage area ... way too painful to look at ... the AI breeding happened but would never come to life ... in my pain and quilt, I'm SO SO Sorry Lyric!
• One bedroom wall is adorned with special framed photos of Lyric "doing her things" ... the past 4 dogs only have their single oil or pencil portraits ... in my pain, I decide they have to stay!
• Lyric's crate with her 2" hight name labeled on it, contains all her dozens of "slobbery" lil' squeeky toys, each one a favorite to bring out at night, after Sutter has gone to bed and I'm peacefully watching TV in my recliner by the cozy wood cookstove ... to have a special time of tug with mom ... and her special "baby blankie" & elephant that came with her nearly 3 years ago with the scent of her mom and siblings to comfort her in her first nights in her new "forever" home ... in my pain, what do I do with all that?
• In our "gated" cabin loft, Sutter & Lyric have their own special "toy room" (and there are dozens of toys passed down through the generations of my dogs) and a queen size mattress where they tease, face spar and tumble (only after they whine for me to come up and watch/join in ... "and bring the camera mom!") ... in my pain, can Sutter and I continue the tradition?
• Outside the back door, Lyric keeps her big yellow ball and her puppyhood "rope of jugs" ... four 1/2 gallon milk jugs, spaced and tied on a 4 foot rope for pulling at "gallop" speed around the yard to purposly bang any object in her path ... "wheeeee, look at me go mom ... and I can go even faster, watch me mom!" ... in my pain, what do I do with those?
• In the old hay shed, is my lil' "DR" woodsplitter ... Lyric had this little game that she liked to play ... while I was splitting wood, she'd go out in the woods and bring back a branch, a stick or just a silly little pine bow for the "kindling" bag... in exchange for a kibble or two from my pocket ... and this game went on for as long as I was splitting wood or until it was time to play "Chuck-it" the tennis ball ... she never let me work too long at any project without a break to play ... in my pain, will splitting wood ever stop being painful??
• "Pick-up Girl" ... one of Lyric's "self appointed" jobs was to pick up anything that dropped on the floor ... a branch from the kindling box, a pen, a tissue, a container lid ... you name it, if it dropped on the floor, she brought it to me (unchewed) in exchange for a treat from dog cookie jar ... in my pain, I'll truly miss that special game :-(
• "Pizza Crust Dance" ... at work when the gang ordered out for hot, yummy pizza, the crusts frequently get "thrown out" so another piece could be enjoyed ... "WAIT!", I'd say, don't throw that out!" and it became ritual that a pile of Pizza crusts would be saved on a plate for "Pfoot's dogs" ... you see, every morning when I'd "drag-in" from a busy 12 hour work shift, I'd be greeted by these 2 ever happy faces ... "Oooooh Sutter, mom's home and I think she brought us a snack from the office", and the anticipation was more than Lyric could stand (Sutter has learned over the years that she is required to sit patiently and quietly when I enter) ... the plate of goodies comes out of the workbag and the tricks begin ... first a sit (reward), then a sit-up (reward), then a stand-up (reward), then a twirl to the right (reward) and a twirl to the left (reward), each having their "strong" side twirl and trying to "out-do" the other by completing the revolution first and without front feet touching the floor ... in my pain, that "dance" will continue but sadly for now anyway, just a dance of one and "coming home" is forever changed  ;-(
• "Magic Tongue" ... after an exhausting "project day", I'd collapse into my recliner, flick on the TV and off came the shoes & socks ... after reclining the footstool, Lyric would start the foot massage ... lap-lap-lap from one entire foot to the other and back again, wrapping that lil' tongue around each toe ... maybe gross sounding but sooo relaxing and more importantly, she loved doing it ... in my pain, I'll really miss that at day's end!!
• The porch ... in the heat of summer I keep the door open between the bedroom and the porch ... and it wouldn't be unusual to glance out on a warm afternoon or evening to see Miss Lyric spread out on the twin bed, just snoozing away ... but always ready in an instant, if  "going out" was an option ... in my pain, how will that picture feel?
• Evening "walk about" ... in the warm summer evenings, when I wasn't working, the 3 of us would just walk 'about the property, just admiring God's work, snagging a berry or two, playing a little ball or practicing on our Agility equipment ... the girls would "rough-house" and I'd just "take in" the moment ... in my pain, how will the "walk about" feel come summer ... hopefully with a new lil' Golden girl in Lyric's spirit?
• Down at the split-rail fence by our wonderful 1/2 acre pond hang 4 "bumpers" and a "Chuck-it Jr" handle, just waiting for the spring ice thaw, so Lyric can get back to her spring/summer/fall retrieving/swimming job ... and believe me it was her devoted career ... a huge launch with a tremendous splash, directly out and directly back to mom for another throw ... Sutter on the other hand carefully calculated what was the shortest distance from shore to the ball or bumper and back to shore where she could find a comfy spot on the grass to roll on the ball or bumper and massage herself! (but only occasionally back to mom for another throw accompanied by very loud barking!)
• Ahhh berry picking ... our pond is surrounded by wild blueberries and blackberries and at pickin' time both girls are right there with their "snouts" up under the prickly branches biting off berries and always look to me for an extra handful ... at first ripening, we 3 go out in the rowboat to pick the first ripened berries that hang over the water ... Sutter & Lyric would find great fun (when given permission) to jump onto the close shore and "run like the wind" after each other ... in my pain, how will that be come berry pickin' time?
• The pond is frozen now in this dead of winter, but never fear, that makes for a great "fetch & retrieve" playground ... Lyric & Sutter chase and skid after the "big yellow winter" tennis balls with great excitement ... in my pain, the ice just looks like ice today!
• Snowshoeing ... well, the joy of that is seen in our previous Blog entries and photos ... in my pain, snowshoeing will always have a huge void ... miss you tremendously "Lurky Turkey" :-(

I could go on and on about how our lil' piece of heaven on our 14.6 acres and my 2 girls have brought me such joy and comfort, but I think that you can feel that from all of my blog entries ... so what have I decided you wonder???

• The Blog stays to "journal" the fun adventures ahead  ;-)
• The digital camera does have a new memory stix but the other is not too far away!
• The screensaver stays and I touch that sweet face evertime I turn on the computer!
• The computer photo folders stay for retrieving an occasional "ah-ha" photo for future Blogs!
• The briefcase is empty and waiting for the next adventure to be documented!
• The bedroom wall photos proudly stay where I can remember what an awsome girl Lyric was!
• Lyric's crate is adorned with a pink rose, some proud photos of her "Golden" family, "snip-its" of her life, her tartan plaid bandana that she wore as one of 50 "Watchguard" Goldens that stood quietly at "Golden Retriever Grandam" Pagey Elliott's memorial service, her food dish and "slobbery" tiny toys are all washed now and carefully placed on her "fresh from the dryer" sheepskin!
• Those "milk jugs on a rope" will stay and be passed down to the next pup and there will be one!
• Everything else around "Golden Embers" will of course remain as it is, just holding the sweet memories of a "Girl Gone Way Too Soon" ... I miss you with all of my being sweet girl and you are etched in my heart forever!!! GOD Bless your journey ;-)
• Lyric's ashes come home this week in a beautifully carved/stained wooden box, to rest in my bedroom till Spring allows burying with my other 4 dogs under the "Memorial Paw" stone, overlooking her beloved "Cedar Pond"

Thank you all for your many, many emails checking on us, wonderful facebook posts and for patiently chatting with me when I call to unload some tears ... it's helped to have you all in my life ... I received a special quote from my dear friend Linda that I'll close this entry with:

"What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes a part of us. ~Helen Keller"

Gone Way Too Soon :(

It is with heartache beyond imagination, that I close this chapter of our Golden Embers blog ... I held my dear sweet Lyric in my arms as she took that final journey over the "Rainbow Bridge" yesterday afternoon in a hospital near snowy Stowe Vermont, and the deapest void has been left in her wake ... Sutter and I must now find a way together to pick up and move on without our "best" friend ... everything around Golden Embers reminds us of the excitement, the promise and the hope that we shared together and I am heartbroken, as tears drop on to these keys :-(

"In our lives but for a moment and etched in our hearts forever"

Adventures Aren't Without Challenges!

• Saturday ... successful surgical AI ... sent home on "Rimadyl" non-steroidal that controls pain/swelling but has known side effects of appetite loss/loose stool!
• Sunday day #1: ate normal breakfast, anxious to go out on "leash walk"... temp is normal but refused supper ... naturally walking tenderly and needs to be helped up over the step into the house
• Monday day #2: successful vaginal AI ...incision looks great ... temp normal ... slight heat/swelling around right rear nipple ... "Rimadyl" stopped due to lack of appetite and sent home on profolactic antibiotic once a day, Pepcid twice a day for her stomach and ice to nipple!
• Photo left above is with ice to belly
• Tuesday day #3: still refuses food but eats fom my hand, still wants to go out and is drinking/peeing/pooping fine ... incision looks great but "belly" swelling involves 3 nipples now ... ice to belly continues ... Dr Cindy in touch morning and night ;)
• Tuesday 4pm temp 103 so we're off to see our vet to get blood work (whew, it all is normal) and he gives Lyric an injection of "Rimadyl" and says to continue with her good home care :-)
• Tuesday night temp is down to 100.2, heat is applied to belly and I'm up every 2 hours thru the night to take her out to "pee" and take her temp (down to 99.5 ... normal up to 102 in dogs)
• Photo right above is with heat to belly
• Wednesday day #4 ... her glance at me is brighter, she voluntarily ate some tuna this morning (cooking her some eggs/cheese/bacon for lunch), she led the walk around the driveway and carefully stepped up into the house by herself ... her rear breast swelling has decreased but now seems to be moving up to the forward nipples between both front legs?

As I type, Lyric is asleep by the woodstove with her hot pack (as in the right photo above), Dr Cindy has called for her morning phone report and the plan is to continue the present course ... lots of loving and "tincture of time"
So what has caused all this: well, no infection (labs normal), lack of appetite probably due to heat/swelling and not "Rimadyl" ... just a "surgical incision associated swelling" response (every dog reacts differently) and it's not felt that the "treasured" eggs & sperm should be affected, so we're still looking forward to puppies ... Wheeeeew!!!!!

Natural question: Do I question my decision to persue this dream ... well, I'll let others just ponder that ... my love for my girl is foremost in my heart & mind and I'm working hard to look forward and think positively, as I can't undo what's behind us! (to right is Lyric just moments ago on our noontime walk)  ;-)

Update just before posting: Lyric ate 2 scrambled eggs and 3 strips of bacon and now she's back on her soft bed sound asleep with her "heat buddy" to her belly .... YIPEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! Hamburg & rice for supper!

Exciting Countdown to March 24th !

Getting technical medical stuff out of the way, as I understand it:

• LH positive on Wednesday 1/20/10
• Progesterone 6.4 on Friday 1/22/10 (probable ovulation day & 2 days from LH peak 1/20)
• Eggs ripen over 48 hrs for fertilization and live 4-5 days
• Unfortunately, Lyric's ideal insemenation day probably during the weekend
• FedEx overnight shipment/delivery of semen from Tennessee doesn't happen on Sundays, so we'll have to be happy with a Friday and Saturday shipments
• Good quality/quantity chilled/shipped sperm live about 12 hours after instilled in the uterus
• Mr DJ's semen on arrival Saturday 85-90% moving ... Monday 75-80% moving after spending 2 days in route ... and that's good!
• That's why the planned surgical AI was on Saturday 1/23/10 and follow-up vaginal AI on Monday 1/25/10

As I type, the lil' fellas are traveling and searching for their own mature egg in the oviducts (connects overies to the uterus) and then those fertilized eggs make their way next week to burrow into their own special spot in the uterus wall to divide and grow ... and we're off!!!!

Sutter is really missing her playmate and while Lyric is on "mandatory" leash walk, she does "play bow" and "woofs" to try and engage Lyric in usual play time ... 1:1 playtime with Mom just isn't quite the same  but it will have to do ... BUT then there is always squirrel chasing !!!!!

Get Your Cup of Coffee for This Post ;-)

Check list:
Van's been thru the carwash, been to the bank, girl's car blankets smell fresh from the dryer, Sutter & Lyric in the car, drinks in the cooler, briefcase packed and we're off at 10am (with Friday's progesterone happily at 6.4), picked up Kara (Lyric's breeder) in Charlestown at 11am and got on Rt 91N for beautiful Stowe Vermont area ... the day is sunny, the air crisp, the mountains are snow capped and excitement pervails ;-)

FedEx semen delivery got to Lamoille clinic 1/2 hour before we did   (YES!!!) Dr Cindy takes Lyric back for the pre-op check and sends Kara & I off for a bit of lunch (yummiest BLTs we ever had), my sister Diane check in by cell phone, as we're heading back to Lyric's side ... Kara & I got to watch through the viewing window (Dr Cindy is expecting her 1st baby March 21st, so wears a respirator to protect from any anesthesia vapors!)

The chilled semen arrived in good shape ... their quantity & quality is good and I got to see the "lil' fellas" under the microscope ... "bazillions" swimming frantically to find a cell to be their own!!! Dr Cindy finds Lyric's uterus/2 horns in excellent shape (a concern since her two 4/09 vaginal AIs didn't produce puppies) ... the lil' fellas are carefully instilled into each horn of her uterus, 1 1/2 " incision is closed and Lyric moves to the Recovery cage.

Dr Cindy suggests that we wait in the waiting room so as not to make Lyric more excited as she wakes ... we can hear her wimpering ... Kara makes cell phone calls and sends emails for me from her i-phone as we wait ... by 4:35pm, the car is warm and were heading home ... I jokingly asked Dr Cindy, as she was closing Lyric's incision, "How many puppies?" ... her reply from behind that really "outer space" respirator mask, "3 girls and 3 boys" and we all chuckle (Kara chimes in with 10-12 puppies!!!) I definately want to side with Dr Cindy's prediction  ;-)

Lyric's Post-op Instructions:
1) light supper
2) oral pain pill "Rimadyl" (pain/anti inflamitory) twice a day
3) leash walk 10 days (RIGHT!!!)
4) NO licking stitches (wear a t-shirt if needed)
5) remove stitches in 10-14 days (I'll do that),
6) follow up vaginal AI on Monday 1/25, so tomorrow the girls & I again head north (snow/sleet/freezing rain predicted), pick up the 2nd FedEx semen shipment at the Lebanon FedEx Center and head to the Lamoille clinic for a follow-up vaginal (insurance) insemenation!

7)Ultrasound in 3-4 weeks to confirm pregnancy

So all went really well and
PUPPIES DUE MARCH 24-26TH  ;-))

Click on:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=7828&id=100000341977450&l=4a4db1b39b
               to view day #1 post AI  photos, then place cursor over photo to read caption :- )                 

The Special Hour Draws Near ... Mom's Nerves are A'twitter!

Well tomorrow is the decided day !    1-23-10  after 7 days of 8:30am daily blood draws and we know every Vet tech in the office by name (love that jar of yummy treats!) Anxiously awaiting the next day results ... Thurs 0.2  Mon 0.5 (Tues LH Pos) Wed 2.4 WHAT!!! Thurs 3.4 ... Friday's results will come on Saturday am just before we leave! (Sutter & Kara are coming) "Ok everything looks good, get the semen on the FedEx truck and head north for Surgical AI on Saturday afternoon" OMG ... will it take this time sweet girl? OK, the car blankets are in the wash, drinks/snacks packed and the briefcase is by the door! Question is, will Dr Cindy let me watch the surgery ... will I remember all my questions and more importantly remember all the answers??? "Menopausal Adventure", "Puppy Dreams" ... it's ready to happen ... GOD BLESS!!!